


Oh, it's toxic love, toxic love (but I still want it, I still crave it)

by MystiePie



Series: Star-crossed Lovers [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Twins, Blackmail, Codependency, Dark fluff, Depressional Fluff, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Smoking, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Violent Thoughts, a few graphic lines and daydreams, but not the good or the healthy one, feral!goro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MystiePie/pseuds/MystiePie
Summary: What if Shido had never met Akira? What if that day had been erased from existence?What if Leblanc never came to be?"Would we still have fallen in love?" Goro asked, wondered in silence.He would never know. But you might...Or: an alternative beginning to the main installment of the series, "Unhinged". Does not require prior knowledge, but might make it more enjoyable ;)
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Star-crossed Lovers [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042896
Comments: 12
Kudos: 14





	Oh, it's toxic love, toxic love (but I still want it, I still crave it)

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ!
> 
> Hi! Whether you're new or old (QwQ) to the series, welcome!
> 
> As I pointed out in the summary, this fic does not require any prior knowledge, but it probably adds more depth if you read how the original story plays out. And as it is an alternate beginning, it might foreshadow things happening in the series, so if you wish to be completely unbiased and hope to dive into Unhinged (YAY!!!) then maybe put this off for later ;) 
> 
> And as always, please mind the tags! This fic might have a happy ending, but it's pretty dark for most of the time...also AO3 keeps messing with my tags so know that the circumstances might make things seem dubious AT THE BEGINNING, but everything is consensual (anything sexual is; story wise, some things are obv not xD).
> 
> I definitely have seperation issues when it comes to this series lmao. You bet I'll be milking out all the ideas floating around in my head. And thanks to [laughingfrowns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingfrowns/pseuds/laughingfrowns) I finally got this lil baby here done AND GOT TWO AWESOME TAGS TO TAG THE FIC WITH AKA THE NEW DARK FLUFF AND DEPRESSIONAL FLUFF TAG HRRR thank you, really. Drop by laughingfrowns' fics, too, maybe? ;D
> 
> For now, enjoy!

Anger rose in Goro's body, his familiar, old and bestest friend. The scoreboard must have been a misprint; there was just no way this was real.

He had been kicked from first place.

By that insignificant, cocky _vermin_ no less.

Said bastard was currently standing next to him, yet he didn’t even acknowledge Goro with even so much as a glance.

_Of course not. That would sully his pride, wouldn’t it? Tarnish his image?_

Akira Kurusu was currently humming some sort of song, showing off not a care in the world.

Goro couldn’t take it. He wanted nothing more than to shoot the boy on the spot; preferably right through his head, watch his blood drip and soak his clothes, watch his innocent, doe eyes widen in shock, his body growing limp-

_Whoops. I should stop._

"Congratulations, Kurusu," he spat out, with his sickly sweet voice, hoping his hate dripped through. "You fared well, it seems."

Thrown off, the raven blinked before letting their gazes meet. Even then, only a glimmer of recognition blazed up in his eyes for a mere second as he scrunched his eyebrows together and managed a weak smile.

"Um...thanks....Akechi, right? I guess I got lucky." He let out a short laugh.

_Lucky?_

_Lucky??????_

_You bastard won’t even tell me how hard you must have worked- how many more all-nighters than me you must have pulled- how much despair and insanity roams inside your head-_

_No, you like to laugh it all off, blaming it...on luck?_

_You do love to disregard any and all hard work from others, don’t you?_

"Lucky," he heard himself reply instead, "yes, of course. That's...what happens from time to time, correct?"

_Not once in my fucking life have I ever been lucky._

"Yeah. I mean, I don’t really aim for the top, I honestly just want to pass. But I guess all students feel that way, right?" A sheepish laugh escaped Akira.

Once more, Goro gave in to the gory daydream of shooting the guy.

The charming Detective Prince’s mask fell; Goro was not in control anymore. As if his week hadn’t been shitty enough by having to appear at yet another ridiculous TV show, by being forced to take up more cases at work, by having to tolerate his coworker’s bullying-

"No," he nearly yelled, "no, Kurusu. I don’t mean to 'pass'. I aim for the very top, and your cocky, disregarding attitude as I try my very best is nothing more than infuriating, really. I would wish you a good day, but you know what? I don’t."

He turned on his heels and strode off, leaving a confused and hurt Akira behind.

***

The next time, he was back in first place, with Akira following close on second. The raven had the audacity to smile and say: "Hey, congratulations! Looks like your hard work paid off!"

"Of course it would. Unlike some other people, I actually _do_ put in an effort."

Then, Goro threw the cowering guy a glare and strode off.

***

Goro was always prepared for the unexpected.

But to be sought out by a raven during break time in one of the study rooms and have his book snatched away- well, it made the anger inside him bubble up tenfold, made him imagine a bunch of different ways on how to murder someone and leave not a shred of evidence behind.

"What the _fuck,_ Kurusu? What the-"

He remembered to use his Detective Prince persona.

"I mean. Would you please be so kind and, uhm. Return me my books?"

He flashed the raven his brilliant TV smile.

_Good cover up, even if you slipped up there._

"Not until you explain to me why you've been bullying my brother."

The detective blinked. "Pardon?"

Only now did he notice that Akira wasn’t looking like his usual, effortlessly-impeccable self; he had a few stubbles on his chin, his hair resembled a bird's nest with how messy and disheveled it was, his clothes hung loosely on his frame, and his jeans rode...very low on his hips.

There was a flash of underwear as the raven moved, swaying his hips gracefully, and the brunet briefly wondered what it’d be like to pull down his jeans and let his mouth swallow what was no doubt an equally effortlessly, pretty cock-

_Um, focus, Goro._

Right.

What was strikingly different, however, was that the usual, cowardly Kurusu hid a storm in his eyes, and Goro was in danger of being swept away.

_Never thought he'd look this...brave. Audacious, actually._

"I said," the raven repeated, with a low growl escaping the back of his throat-

_Oh, interesting sound. So you can bite?_

-"I want to know why on earth you're bullying my brother. He got shit drunk the other day, came home and cried to me that somebody hates him for no reason. Then he told me how much you've been mocking and degrading him whenever he talked you up these days. Care to explain, oh so charming 'Detective Prince'?"

The nickname bestowed upon him by the media left a bad aftertaste in Goro's mouth.

_Come to think of it...he sounds different, too._

_Does Akira have a twin?_

_But he isn’t studying law, then. Or else I'd have stumbled upon another Kurusu eventually._

Ignoring the unfamiliar raven's statement, Goro put a hand on his chin. "I'm assuming you're his twin brother, then? Interesting. I suppose you must be pursuing a different career?"

"Fuck that," the unknown man hissed, throwing Goro's stolen book into some corner of the room.

Both of them glared at the other, neither of them willing to back down. What Goro filled with rage and hate, the raven returned with an equally ferocious energy.

_Huh. If this was a different situation…maybe I’d even enjoy this a little._

"Those books are precious and expensive, okay? Please don’t just handle them as carelessly as that, or else you'll have to compensate me,” he replied instead.

"Can you fucking finally answer? I'm getting a little impatient, here. And I do not like to be tested."

"Oh?" A mocking smile on his lips, Goro felt an unfamiliar feeling stir in his chest.

_Anticipation?_

_Ah, no. Thrill._

_The thrill of the hunt._

"What happens if I end up testing your patience?"

The storm in the raven's eyes grew, and Goro suppressed a spark of shudder bolting through his veins.

_No one's ever looked at me quite like that before._

_It's...exhilarating._

_Do you hate me, Kurusu twin?_

_Do I have your attention, not as a charming Prince, but as a ruthless tease who seems to grate your brother's frail nerves?_

_Oh, this is interesting, alright._

"Fuck around..." the raven replied, a dangerous glint in his eyes as he leaned in closer, _closer_ , his breath ghosting alongside Goro's lips and _oh, hm, I wonder what it’d be like to smash our lips together in a duel of dominance…_

-"and find out."

There was some sort of commotion outside, steps growing louder as someone approached.

When a wolfish grin appeared on the raven's face, the detective knew he'd been trapped.

_Am I going to willingly walk into this?_

_We’ll see._

The Kurusu twin threw a chair to the ground, kicked the stool under Goro's butt away and forced him to stand up- and to the brunet’s surprise, threw himself to the ground as well, clutching his arm as if in pain.

"Guess you took too long to explain, sweetheart. It's showtime," the mysterious guy grinned, before his expression morphed into one of pain- fake, of course.

Goro would always be good at looking through other people’s fake acts, considering how he functioned and operated himself.

"What?" Confused, Goro stepped closer- and only realized too late he'd played right into the raven's hands.

The door opened, and a few unfamiliar girls and boys stuck their head in, curious.

The raven howled out. "Ouuuuch! Ouchh, Akechi! What? I asked you to teach me self-defense, not to enact it on me!"

_What?_

Goro stepped closer to the raven, confusion still apparent on his face. The guy darted away.

"Please don’t hurt me! I'm so sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to mock you or something?"

"Huh? What happened?"

Commotion and chatter rose, and it dawned on Goro what the fucker was attempting to do.

_Oh, that’s wicked, alright._

"Akechi hurt me," the raven cried out, and to Goro's horror, tears started streaming down his face.

One of the girls- probably not one of Goro's fangirls, he assumed- stormed towards the crying guy on the ground.

"Oh dear, Ren! Are you hurt badly? What happened?"

She threw a nasty glare towards Goro, who was still processing and suppressing his laugh at this...this unbelievably dumb fake act.

_I must applaud him for his guts, though._

"I'm sorry, I didn’t- I was just teasing the Detective Prince, and told him he was just a show off...that he couldn’t actually battle off an attacker with his pretty looks. So then he said he could, and brutally threw me to the ground. I think I landed on my arm- it hurts terribly, ouch!"

"We should get you to the infirmary," the girl replied firmly, helping the crying raven onto his feet.

_Ren Kurusu, huh._

_What a cocky little bastard._

Goro suppressed a grin.

"Wow, the charming Prince hurt someone?!"

"Didn’t you hear? It was sort of an accident."

"That doesn’t mean it hurt any less. And he still used violence!"

"Poor Ren. He's usually so quiet...now look at him. No one deserves to get hurt after pulling a few jokes."

"Who would've thought Akechi could be so dangerous?"

The commotion grated on Goro's nerves. He wanted nothing more than to strangle every single of these stupid, oblivious fuckers who actually believed the sorry acting skills of this guy.

And most of all, he hated the judge, hated the stares, their ogling, their sneers-

_Fucking shut up, all of you!_

But he couldn’t snap. And he needed to uphold his reputation, lest he wished to incur Shido's wrath.

_Fine, you win this round, stupid Ren, if only for the stupidity of the audience._

He cleared his throat, and stepped closer to the raven- who obviously flinched, scurrying backwards once more.

_I gotta admit, his acting skills are almost as good as mine._

"I sincerely apologize, Kurusu." A look of sorrow appeared on Goro's face. "I never meant to pull through with my little demonstration, I just- I’m sorry. I got a little too excited, it seems- I did not wish to hurt you. Would I be able to do something for you, to make up for this?"

"Oh wow, Akechi is apologizing."

"What, so this was never anything serious? Ugh, boooring. Let's leave."

"It was weird to think Akechi would be a brutal assailant, anyway. I guess it was just an unfortunate accident."

_If you can manipulate their stupid minds, so can I._

"Hm, are you sure Akechi isn’t lying? This definitely sounds fishy to me."

"Yeah, I think Akechi did this on purpose."

_Well, some of them will always fall for a ploy, I suppose. No matter._

_I sincerely hope the media doesn’t get wind of this._

Ren's expression was still twisted, a look of hurt- but Goro knew he was carefully concealing any and all other emotions.

The girl that had helped Ren get to his feet was not impressed, either. "It's clearly obvious you don’t feel sorry, Akechi. I'll take Ren to the infirmary. If you really wish to make amends, maybe you should go and visit."

_Make amends? Ha._

_Maybe I should splice your head open. See what ‘making amends’ means then._

Ren nodded, throwing a cautious glance towards Goro. "Yeah, we best...clear this misunderstanding among us in private."

The message was clear.

_If you don’t want this to get worse, you better drop by._

Goro nearly sneered.

Yet he only flashed the raven a smile and agreed.

_You really are different from your your happy-go-lucky brother, are you?_

***

"Quite the performance, I must admit." Goro entered the empty infirmary, closing the door behind him and quickly scanning for any open windows.

Ren was sitting atop of one of the beds. At first, his face was a carefully constructed mask, yet with each step that Goro came closer, the hidden smirk on his face stretched wider and wider.

"Well, I personally think it was brilliant, too. Everyone's talking about the incident, you know?"

Goro sat down on one of the stools opposite the raven, never letting their gazes disconnect.

_The first one to look away, loses._

_And I am not about cower from you._

_But neither are you, correct?_

"I’m well aware rumors about me spread quickly, yes."

"And you know I'm the only one who can tell these gossipy noises bitches that this was just a bad joke I played."

"You carefully planned all this out- for what?" Goro folded his hands, interest flickering in a deep corner of his heart.

_You really went this far for your brother?_

_To get revenge or something?_

"I told you. Stop bullying Akira-" Goro clicked his tongue "-and ask him out on a date instead."

_What?_

" _Excuse_ me?" Disbelief started to bleed into his voice, the flicker of interest in the raven all but evaporating. Instead, anger and hate greeted him gently, before wreaking havoc in his veins and kissing his logic and carefully controlled stance away.

Ren threw him a mocking grin. "I think I know something you don’t. You're not bullying Akira because you hate him. You actually have a crush on him, but you don’t wanna admit it. Right?"

Goro _really_ needed to choke this guy on the spot. Would it be that illegal? Was it that wrong?

"I-" he let himself be guided by the absolute wrath creeping around in his bones "-am not, in any way-" he gritted his teeth "-romantically fucking interested in your sad excuse of a brother. He is a fucking idiot who disregards other’s hard work, keeps reappearing and _not_ leaving me the _fuck_ alone, and so yes- yes, I jab at him, because he is annoying. Annoying, okay?!"

"Don't you dare insult your cute little crush, Goro. Or who knows what bad rumors might go flying around campus? Oh, Goro is actually gay- Goro tried to rape me-"

" _Shut up!"_ In his anger, Goro stood up, yelling at the bemused raven, whose eyes were twinkling. "I am not gay, nor am I interested in any other sex than the female one! And why the _fuck_ are you calling me by my first name?!"

_There’s no need for anyone to know about my true sexual orientation._

_It would only cause trouble._

"Well, you’re kinda cute. So I wanted to flirt with you- and using your first name was my best shot."

Goro wondered if he could throw one of the vials around the infirmary against the wall and watch it break into a thousand pieces.

But that wouldn’t help his cause, so he only balled his hands into fists, biting down on his lip.

"What the _fuck_ do you want- scum? Because I will definitely _not_ go on a date with someone who I merely hold feelings of contempt for! And stop fucking throwing my name around like that as if we- we were _friends._ "

"Aw, don’t be shy!" Ren's smile, his tone- it was so infuriating.

_Why the hell is he so good at riling me up?_

_Why does his voice creep under my skin?_

_Why does his eyes tear through my soul?_

"Hmmm...well, if you don’t want to go on a date- actually, you're right, Akira’s delicate heart might break if he gets insulted one more time. Shame for him. That doesn’t mean I have to back off, though.”

There was a mischievous glint in the raven’s eyes. “Alright, if you let me kiss you- I’ll call the whole incident off.”

Goro froze.

He blinked.

Took a deep breath.

Blinked again.

Then, stared down at the cheeky raven on the bed.

"Well, hey, don’t judge me for following and pursuing my sexual interests. I've aaaalways wanted to know what it'd be like to kiss you."

_This has got to be a joke._

Yet Goro’s heart began to pucker, and his blood rushed a little faster.

_I mean, he’s not ugly. His twin is- but he…_

_Something is just different about him, I suppose._

"I thought- I thought- what. This- what the hell?"

The way how this guy operated would remain a mystery to Goro.

"Come on. Don’t be shy. Besides...this whole play? This whole scheme was a ploy to get rid of that annoying bitch who helped me up. She's been really persistent on getting me to go on a date with her, and now that I am 'injured' she told me to sit back and recover for a while, and force you to help me. Good job, Goro! Good riddance."

Goro took yet another deep breath.

“I wasn’t lying about my brother crying his heart out to me, though. But I didn’t…really care. He’s old enough to take care of his troubles himself.”

_Calm down._

_So he was lying this whole time?_

_This stinks._

_But he really didn’t seem like he liked that girl, really._

_So maybe he just used me for his own advantage?_

_That wouldn’t make him a better person, but...at least, it would make sense._

_Maybe he's just sexually depraved for me and will let me off if I fulfill his stupid demand- I’ve dealt with avid stalker fans like that before, after all._

_Though they never bothered me at school, and nor did I fulfill their wishes._

_Maybe he truly only wanted to make use of the Detective Prince for his personal reasons and didn’t actually care for his brother._

"Fine," he spat out with as much contempt as he could, "if I let you kiss me...this whole misunderstanding...will be cleared up, right?"

_No!_

_Why the hell aren’t you dragging him to the precinct and reporting him for attempt at sexual assault and ostracization?!_

The raven cheerfully nodded.

"Then go ahead." Goro crossed his arms.

_Why am I doing this again?_

_Fuck. Couldn’t he have asked for- for money or something? I think- I think that would’ve made things a lot easier._

_Maybe this was actually a bad idea._

_But well…maybe this whole ordeal will be over more quickly if I comply this time around._

_First try for everything, right?_

He must have been blushing, because as Ren got up to him, hesitation crossed his face. "Don't tell me...is this your first kiss?"

"That’s none of your fucking business," the brunet hissed, dragging the raven closer.

_Actually, um, yeah._

"You just go and do whatever the fuck you want, clear the misunderstanding of this whole- this whole violence thing, and-"

"So you’re not opposing?"

"This is a mere business deal. Do not think for even a second that I feel anything for you!"

Ren seemed unimpressed. "Alright."

He shrugged. "Then...you good?"

"Fucking yes," were the last words Goro pressed out as his heart soared into his throat, puckering wildly-

-and then nearly lost his damn mind as the next words he wanted to say got lost forever.

There was a vicious tongue inside the hot cavern of his mouth- how, when, why- he didn’t know. All that he felt was- was fuck, this Ren guy was…was unbelievably good at this. Their tongues fought for dominance, but Goro, with his inexperience, his needy, breathy noises, his shameless, quiet moan and buckling knees- he lost.

Ren's tongue didn’t miss a single note, lapping all of his noises up, up, _up-_

Then the tongue, the vicious, dangerous thing, it drew out-

Goro opened his eyes for a split second, barely noticing the slick saliva dropping onto his lips.

Because the feverish look in Ren's eyes resembled that of a wild beast, and _fuck, that’s hot._

Ren's tongue plunged back in, and the world around him went dark again as the detective focused on the hot sensation in his mouth, the lewd sounds of saliva mixing and he lost control of himself once more, falling into a deep, black hole.

_I feel like I’m losing my mind._

_Actually, maybe this wasn’t such a terrible idea._

Oh, actually, it was.

Ren caught him as he broke off the kiss for real- gently guiding the brunet onto one of the infirmary beds, and grinned impishly.

“Was that a good experience?” His voice was a low, seductive, alluring thing- able to take control and wreak havoc on Goro’s senses

Numbly, the brunet nodded- before he snapped back, and hissed an insult to cover up how weak he’d actually become, how lost he’d willingly gotten in the soft, luscious feeling of a French kiss.

“I- well, this means the misunderstanding will be cleared up, right?” Hopefully, his voice didn’t shake as much as he thought it did.

Goro could not tear his gaze away from the way Ren’s cheeky tongue darted out once more, licking his lips in a last attempt of…of what?

_Well, he is a good kisser, I can give him that._

_If he’s obsessed with me, maybe I can get him to grant me some more of that?_

_No, no- fuck, what are you saying, Goro?! Your mind is still not back to normal yet, it seems._

_Besides, he never really said anything about being a fan- just of viewing you as some sort of object of desire, and isn’t that despicable?_

Ren maintained an impish grin on his face, tilted his head to the side. “Yeah, sure. I’ll tell everyone that I actually fooled them all- and that you’re innocent in all this.”

“Good.” Goro let out a breath, unable to take his gaze away from those red, pretty lips.

However, when Ren whipped out his phone, and began to giggle- that’s when the alarm bells inside of the detective’s mind went off once more, warning him profusely.

A split second later, he understood.

The raven, still holding back his laughter, shoved his phone into his face. “I don’t know what people will say to _this,_ however.”

Fuck, so that was why the raven drew his tongue out.

The picture currently shoved in the detective’s face was a HD close-up of their extremely hot kiss- and what’s worse, Goro actually seemed like he wanted this, too. His face was tinted in a brilliant red, his eyes closed to no doubt suppress the want and neediness spilling forth of him.

_Fuck!_

He yelled, his hand snatching out for the incriminating picture- but of course the fucker drew back, had the audacity to _laugh,_ even.

“Oh, well. Seems like our little detective here is a bit slow to traps when they’re…of sexual nature. Really didn’t think you’d be fooled quite this easily, actually. I’d never expected this to go this smoothly.”

Bewildered, Goro looked around. The door was still closed, and besides- for a shot of this quality, that person must have been standing really close- so how did this picture come into existence?!

“You’ll be searching in vain. I have other skills besides seducing guys, you know?”

The brunet let out a primal scream, hate and anger erupting like a volcano, trying to hide how he chided himself for the lack of foresight. “What the _fuck-_ do you want? What was your intention from the beginning of this whole scheme, Ren?!”

If he just took the privilege of calling Goro by his first name, Goro would, too.

The raven laughed. “Oh man, the look on your face. Hey, don’t be angry- after all this, I’m still not that much of a bad guy. Promise. It’s just that, hmm. I feel really sorry for my brother? And I really do think you have some sort of crush on him, because- who just lets themselves be kissed like that? I’m sure you were imaging Akira right then.”

“You fucking _blackmailed_ me, Ren! And no, I still don’t feel a fucking shred of attraction for your miserable excuse of a brother!”

“Yeah, but you’re not called an Ace Detective for nothing, right? Surely, you would have been able to work something out in order to escape my demand- or disregarded the matter of this whole ‘misunderstanding’ altogether. But nope- you played right into my hands!”

Venom tainted his voice, burned inside his body. “What do you want, Ren?!”

“I told you. Ask my cute little brother out for a date, and all is good. The picture will disappear, I give you my word.”

“No way in fucking-“

“Of course I’m serious. Hey, I’m being nice. Come on. Just try this whole date thing out, and if Akira refuses- well, I’ll still delete the picture. And we can go back to being strangers. Or enemies with benefits, if you’d prefer that after being rejected, ha. You just need to ask him out once- that’s all I want of you.”

The nerve of this guy.

It was difficult to control the fury in his veins; Goro had half a mind not to set the entire infirmary on fire as the raven nonchalantly walked off, biding him goodbye oh-so-casually. “Hey, ask him out tomorrow! You can find me in one of those study rooms near the gym. No one hangs out there, really.”

_Oh, you’ll pay for this, trust me._

But since Goro was in a pinch now, he merely let the raven go.

Only at home did he end up breaking a few plates.

***

As expected, asking Akira out on a date went terribly. Or maybe terrific, because Goro didn’t have a date at the end of the day, and Akira was surely questioning his own sexual orientation by now.

 _“I was struggling with…finding interest in the female sex these days,”_ he’d told the confused raven early this morning. Akira looked like he wanted to be absolutely everywhere right now if it meant not here- in a dingy alley of the campus, cornered by the famous Detective Prince.

_“So I was wondering…would you be willing to go on a date with me, so I can…test and find out if I could be interested in males?”_

His reply was a muffled scream, a ‘no’, before Akira darted away.

Just for evidence’s sake, Goro had secretly recorded the conversation, too- so he’d have _some sort of proof_ to play for the raven in case his twin didn’t end up talking to him.

Sure, Goro was also somewhat scared what sort of rumors would spread on campus _now-_ but rumors about his sexual orientation always floated around, and a guy who claimed Goro had asked him out for a date despite not being friends with the brunet- simply because he didn’t have any friends, anyway- would surely be disregarded as yet another rumor.

Or something.

That’s what Goro hoped for, at least.

***

He was also therefore surprised, that, upon finding the raven in the promised place...

That the guy was asleep. Snoring, even.

_Huh._

_Strangely careless for a blackmailer._

Goro walked up to Ren- not before making sure the door to the room was closed, the windows obscured- and on a strange whim, caressed the raven’s wild, soft hair.

The guy only stirred, grumbled; nothing more.

After talking to the security on-campus and using his reputation as a detective after talking to Akira, he'd found out what little trick Ren had used to get such a good shot of them. Apparently, someone had hacked into the security system and gained control of the infirmary's camera.

To Goro's relief, the footage had been completely erased, and apparently, the on-campus security had even managed to trace back the source and phone of the hacker; luckily, they discovered that most of the footage had been deleted. Only a single image must have been saved, according to the latest analysis.

Goro told them to keep investigating, but was relieved upon hearing these things.

_So you either pulled this off by yourself, or had a helpful little aide._

_What will you do once I found out the truth?_

Goro stroked through the messy nest of hair once more, and Ren didn’t react.

_Safe to say I can get you in trouble for your little stunt._

_It does make me question, though...why I went and followed your request nevertheless._

Goro Akechi had felt hollow for most of his life. He was only out to kill his father, after all. And the pesky little feelings Akira invoked in him...

Well, they weren’t really all that interesting to pursue in the long run.

Ren, however?

Wicked, tainted, blackmailing Ren, whose intentions were naught but a mystery, just like his train of thoughts?

Interesting, in a way.

_As fucked up as it is._

_Weird, how a self-proclaimed "fan" of mine would still try to set me up with someone different than himself._

_Is that how you get off things?_

_Does it turn you on, to see me kissing a carbon copy of yours?_

_Speaking of...I wonder if the lust you evoked in me yesterday was but a lie..._

He craved the contact- he wanted to feel it once more, the spark of attraction and hunger for touch.

Just once, before this whole blackmail ordeal was over and done with.

So Goro kissed Ren’s cheek, his lips burning upon the skin-on-skin contact, as if set on fire- he felt the pliant way the raven’s skin gave way under his touch, as if beckoning him to prod further, as if having been depraved of the contact for too long-

_Oh dear. What am I even doing?_

As if burned, the brunet jumped away, glaring at the raven from afar.

He was still asleep.

_I should leave._

_He will know of today's results soon enough, anyway._

_And...and I fear I don’t understand this fucked up attraction I feel._

So instead of acting like a responsible adult, despite the fact that Ren still possessed the incriminating image and could do nasty things with it, Goro bolted away.

In the evening, he received a message from a suppressed number, telling him the picture was erased and the matter done.

_Hidden number (23:09): Don’t worry. I’ll uphold my end of the deal. No one will hear, or know this ever happened._

He did not meet Akira again the following week, nor his twin.

It felt like the calm before the storm.

***

What Goro had not expected, despite always battling the unexpected, was that after two weeks of radio silence of both the Kurusu twins, he'd meet Ren once again.

On a whim, the detective wanted to study up on the closed-off roof area today; he was good friends with campus security after helping them out in the whole hacking incident- had it not been for his request, they wouldn’t have noticed the cyber-attack and now, they had been allowed to upgrade their security system, only thanks to him. So he borrowed the keys to the locked area with no further issues.

He was obviously hoping to indulge in peaceful loneliness- now imagine his surprise, when, upon locking the doors from outside again, a cold breeze of spring air greeting him nonchalantly, he climbed up the ladder to the very top of yet another small construction in the middle of the roof- and stumbled upon a certain raven again.

And oh.

Goro had not been silent in his movements. Surely, Ren must have heard of the footsteps, the climbing of the ladder, his excited giggles as he breathed in the fresh air- yet the raven didn’t even bother to turn around, his back facing Goro as he took yet another long, long drag of the cigarette in his hands.

_Huh._

_So this definitely isn’t Akira. Can’t imagine that guy doing anything illegal on campus._

"You know smoking is forbidden basically everywhere here. And how did you even break in? The door was locked."

Ren didn’t reply. Goro only saw the lint of the cigarette falling to the ground, flickering up one last time before withering away like the dying flame that it was.

The detective moved closer to the raven- called out once again. "Besides, I thought you didn’t study law. To be honest, I requested some files from security, and…Ren Kurusu seems to be prone on switching his degrees every two months. Frankly, I’m not sure what you haven’t studied yet- except, that is, anything affiliated to the law.”

He cleared his throat. “So how- and why- did you even come here? This building is only visited by law students, nevermind the fact that the roof is forbidden to enter, anyway."

_I should report him._

_No, I know something much better._

_Let’s turn the tables on him._

_It’s time for payback._

Goro sat down next to Ren, whose face was set in stone. There was not even a hint of emotion, but Goro knew he was an excellent actor, so maybe he was hiding the pretty storm inside.

The detective whipped out his phone.

"I'm gonna take a picture if you don’t stop me. And then you'll be thrown out- no, expelled- for violating more than just one rule." There was a weird, unfamiliar sound spilling forth of him, and he stopped as soon as he realized he’d been…giggling.

Ren's reply was a long drag, one that Goro not only snapped a picture of, but was even able to record a video of.

"Did you do drugs, too, or why else are you not reacting at all?" Truthfully, the absolute non reaction was getting annoying; Goro wanted to feel the same thrill as back when Ren was trying to trap him, hoped to evoke some sort of reaction-

But he got none, no panic, no misery, no begs and no cries.

It was boring.

Yet something still piqued Goro's interest, made him unable to scoff and move away.

The next time Ren finished his drag, the brunet snatched the cigarette away- Ren didn’t even resist, his gaze almost glossy and haunted as he watched the brunet steal his belongings oh-so-rudely.

_You seem dead._

_Weren’t you just full of vigor a few weeks ago?_

Boldly, Goro took a drag himself-

-and ended up procuring a series of coughs, throwing the cigarette away as he tried to calm himself and catch his breath once more.

"Fuck, that tasted disgusting! How do you even-"

Goro's gaze fell to where Ren's hand was resting a bit further away. Three empty packages of cigarette lay there innocently, the fourth one was opened and half full.

"What the heck have you been doing up here?!" Dread filled his bones, despite the fact that he’d never even felt _anything_ except apathy for other people and their self-destructive actions.

"I guess I wondered if chain-smoking enough cigarettes could kill me on the spot."

It was the first sentence he said, the first time Goro heard the smoky, ashen voice speak up again, and oh-

It was but a sorry excuse of the man he met before- heard talk before, that was.

_What the fuck happened?_

Ren's gaze was dead, not a spark of emotion apparent as he regarded the brunet next to him.

"Hey, do you wanna fuck sometime?"

"What?!" Goro's cheeks blazed red, and he was ready to fire off insult upon insult-

Yet he halted, somewhat captivated by the eerie, empty look in Ren's eyes.

_It’s haunting._

_It sends a chill down my spine._

_But why?_

"Was just curious." The raven shrugged, reaching for another cigarette- but Goro slapped the hand away, stole the package and jammed it in his pocket, safely tucked where the raven couldn’t reach without great difficulty.

_Now what will you do?_

The following reaction was a lazy blink.

Patience was a virtue Goro did not possess, and he was rapidly running out of what he’d never had.

“Why on earth did you ask for a fuck?”

Ren, groggy as he was, mumbled something incomprehensible, and Goro had to literally threaten to throw the last package of nicotine away for him to speak up again.

"I guess I felt something when we kissed back then- your innocence was just...sort of cute, really."

Goro didn’t know how, but if it was possible, Ren’s gaze turned even more cloudy than before, especially as he slowly let the next words roll off his tongue,

"So if we fuck...maybe I can feel alive again?"

_What broke your spirit?_

_I know what broke me back then._

Goro moved in closer. The stench of smoke was bad, really- but he was used to worse, was used to sleeping in garbage cans and piss.

This was nothing in comparison.

He felt their hands touch. Ren's hand gave off a weak twitch, but did not react much more.

Goro leaned in even closer, letting their foreheads touch.

"What killed you?" he heard himself ask.

"Life, maybe?" Ren looked back at him with more interest than before- there was a shimmer of energy in his gaze, and an underlying sense of humor.

"Oh, I know what that's like." Odd, how honest the detective replied; maybe the leftover nicotine in the air made his tongue loose, too.

_Ever since I realized I was nothing but a puppet myself, I've given up._

_Except on revenge, that is._

_So what about you?_

_Weren’t you filled with fulfilling a certain goal when you blackmailed me?_

_What happened to that?_

It was not his place to ask.

"Hm."

Ren moved; slowly, so slowly Goro could have easily thrown him off, his hands landed on Goro's cheeks.

His touch felt as lifeless as the rest of him, yet still…the human-turned-zombie had a tired grin on his face as he stroked the brunet’s skin.

"So how about it? Sex?"

"You could at least bother to form a proper sentence. Or ask me out on a date before asking for sexual intercourse."

The hands fell. Ren moved away- though not too far. His soulless eyes sent a chill through Goro's bones.

"I could. But I’m not one for romance, honey. I don’t even know what's happening anymore. Am I even...still alive? Is this nothing but a dream? What’s fake, and what’s real?"

Goro pinched the raven's hand. There was no scream, no yell, no twitch, but…

"Did that hurt?"

Something sparked in Ren's eyes, if only for a split second.

"A bit, yeah."

"Then your soul is dead, but your body is not. Have you lost what you wanted to live for?"

Another flicker.

"No," Ren replied, his voice a little more firm than before, "I've never had anything in the first place. Or maybe I did- maybe Akira was the sole thing keeping me afloat. I'm not sure."

Goro pinched his hand again.

_Why do I feel the unquenchable desire to know?_

“So…Akira died?” Goro’s tone was dry, no shred of pity or sorrow to be found. After all, it was not for him to pity the dead- he was only there to receive the anger of the deceased, not more.

Imagine his surprise when the raven actually barked out a laugh, falling backwards, and sprawling his body on the cold ground underneath.

“No, silly,” he giggled, a sound so stark in contrast to the dead spirit he’d shown off before, Goro needed a moment to adjust.

_I don’t know why I’m doing this._

_This, by all means- is a terrible idea, once again._

Yet not even a minute later, he sat down on the raven, straddling him unashamed.

_Well, if you’re so intent on fucking, maybe I can draw the answers of my questions out of you._

Ren’s eyes, they flickered up once more, a familiar fire lit once again- the dangerous tongue from before licked over his lips, a hungry, unquenchable thirst in his eyes as he observed Goro move and adjust.

“No,” he repeated, not a shred of hesitation or shuddering in his voice, yet painted with a smoky undertone nevertheless.

His hands landed on Goro’s hips, digging into the fabric of his clothes.

“So then…what happened?”

Goro leaned in, letting their noses touch for a split second, before darting away again and grinding his ass against Ren’s slowly hardening libido.

His response was laughter.

“You just asked me whether my brother died, and now you want to fuck, with no shred of pity for being…insensitive, maybe? Or bothering to read the mood?”

“No.” To emphasize his statement, Goro rutted against the raven once more, mirroring the dangerous glint in Ren’s eyes.

“I want answers, and if you do not provide me with them…I may as well force them out.”

Bellowing laughter.

_Funny._

_If things had been different, I wonder…would I have liked the sound?_

“Hm, impatient, are you, detective? Well, let me reward you for your hard work.”

“Sure. Do tell.” Goro raised an eyebrow as the raven rose up again, letting their foreheads touch once more.

_Now this- this look in your eyes._

_I like this one better than before._

“Akira left,” Ren whispered out, the stench of smoke hitting Goro once again, the incessant, disgusting nicotine trying to wiggle its way into his nose, his brain.

_Urgh._

_I have no idea how people think smokers are hot._

_This is just disgusting._

Yet the raven’s words, once processed, made him frown.

“What do you mean, he left?”

_Did the world abandon you?_

_Like me?_

_Are we the same?_

_Did I seek you out because of that?_

Ren chuckled airily, his laughter hollow again.

Oh no, Goro wouldn’t have that.

A bolt of confidence surging through him, he pulled the raven into a clumsy, short kiss. He knew he was terrible, no comparison to the raven himself- but as he moved away, the fire in Ren’s eyes was back, and he knew he’d been successful.

_I don’t know whether to pity you for being sexually-depraved, or to shame you._

_Actually, fuck all that- I want answers, and I want them soon._

_No matter what._

A hand bolted up, fingers stroked his face. He flinched at the touch, still not familiar to the feeling of being caressed; the raven picked up on that.

“Huh. You touch starved?”

“No,” the brunet hissed out, weakly, as Ren began tugging his hair behind his ear, scratching him lightly- and oh no, eliciting a sigh as he leaned in.

“Definitely touch starved,” he heard the raven chuckle, and he was swatted as punishment.

Yet upon the hit, the fire in Ren’s eyes lit up brighter, and Goro did not resist the following touches- the gentle scraping of his head, the feather light kiss to his cheek, the soothing circles being drawn onto his back.

It felt good.

But he needed more- more answers, that was.

“So can you tell me- finally- for fucking once- ah.”

Ren kissed his nape, eliciting a shudder.

He felt the vibration of the raven’s voice travel through his skin and bones.

“Virgin,” he mumbled, before adding, “Akira abandoned me.”

Goro yanked the raven away by his hair, and he was taken aback at the spark of lust flashing through the raven’s eyes.

Of both of them, actually- his eyes a reflection in the onyx night sky he lost himself in.

“What do you mean, abandoned? Fuck’s sake, do I need to draw every word out?”

Lips pressed onto his neck, sucking gently- there was a hint of teeth, and he whimpered as Ren’s love mark was ingrained into his skin.

_Don’t people usually call it a hickey?_

_Whatever._

“He applied…for some scholarship a few months ago. Overseas. He did not tell me.”

“Alright. Keep talking.”

A calloused thumb stroked over his lower lip, curious.

Ren’s gaze was lackadaisical- the hazy look of a dreamer lost in fantasy.

“Mhm. He said…he disliked how co-dependent both of us were on the other. Had been for years, actually. He wanted it to end.”

“Okay?”

A chaste kiss was pressed to his lips, and he relished in the feeling of the hot flash striking through his body.

“So…he said he made a gamble. If he was accepted for this program, he’d give up on us and leave.”

“Give up on you? Don’t tell me you fucked-“

“No,” Ren chuckled, “I mean in the metaphorical sense of…of winning some distance. We had a good brother-to-brother relationship. Well, I thought we did, at least. Akira thought…we were upholding some sort of parasitic, symbiotic relationship.”

“Huh.” A curious hand played with the corner of his shirt, as if requesting permission.

He nearly tore his shirt apart in an attempt to loosen it up, and earned himself a chuckle as he shuddered at the first intimate skin-on-skin contact.

Ren’s hand was cold, yet his touch was as feverish and hot as the summer’s sun burning Goro’s skin away.

“He said…I did too much for him. His theory was supported by my stupid attempt of setting you two up, you know?”

“Mhm.” Ren’s hand tickled his skin relentlessly, staying low and not moving upwards.

“Said…It was fine if I didn’t have friends, or didn’t like to do much besides taking care of the household and some chores…said it was fine I wasn’t pursuing a higher educational goal, but fooling around aimlessly.”

“That sounds like the goody-two shoe I’ve assessed him as, I guess.” Goro suppressed a groan as Ren’s hand darted upwards, gently teasing his nipple. His mind began to settle into a lecherous cloud, attempting to make him lose focus.

But he wouldn’t give in to the temptation yet, no matter how much pleasure he felt upon each and every stroke.

“Yeah. But…I focused too much on him. Tried to make his problem vanish, even with methods like blackmail or beating people up. Bought his study books before he was able to buy them himself. Made him lunch so he wouldn’t starve.”

“That sounds…um, obsessed, alright.”

_Though most of that…doesn’t sound too bad, actually._

_At least lunch._

_And the whole…taking care of someone thing._

_Isn’t it sort of hot if someone uses violence in an attempt to protect you?_

_Oh foolish Goro, stop thinking about things you’ll never have._

He couldn’t suppress the breathy gasp as Ren pinched his nipple, the feeling of lust sending his blood downwards.

“Never said I wasn’t. Like, don’t misunderstand, pretty detective: I’m not in love with him, or some incest-shit like that. It’s just…he’s my world. The other part of my soul. He always helped me out in the past, was the guiding sun when I lost myself in the dark.”

Gently, Goro was pushed backwards- his head softly knocked against the ground, Ren towering above him with a frown on his face.

“But he said…he wanted it to stop. It was unhealthy to focus too much on one person, he said.”

“Really, now?”

Goro’s lips were claimed once more; a searing kiss, a feverish touch that went straight through his bones, numbing his ability to form words. The cloud from before spread its influence, nearly numbing him again, seducing him into giving in.

“Mhm. So like I said…he brutally cut me off. Told me it was the only choice to resolve this…this whole thing.”

Ren played around with the zipper on Goro’s trousers.

Once again, Goro nearly destroyed the thing in an attempt to pull his trousers down a little, just so his underwear was visible and Ren could easily gain access to his twitching libido.

“Well, that sounds dumb to me. Surely, there are other ways to resolve an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship, than- hah-“

A cold hand touched his skin, touched his aching erection; it halted, letting him grow adjusted to the feeling.

Only now did he notice his harsh pants, his heavy breathing.

But Ren’s chest rose and fell erratically, too- he wasn’t alone.

“Surely, the would have been some way to resolve this than travelling to the other end of the fucking world or wherever Akira fucked off to, to put an end to- ah.” Goro closed his eyes, sparks of lust flashing through him in lightning bolt speed as Ren slowly began to stroke him.

_Fuck, that feels terribly good._

He knew his underwear would be ruined at the end of this; he did not care, or spare a second thought.

“Mhm. I said so, too- but well…He’s never been like me, you know? So obviously our way of thinking doesn’t align. He’s always had friends- had the attention, and the luck- he even had…you.”

Goro moaned as Ren sped up, his strokes sending the brunet into a frenzy of seeking fresh air, of needing to focus back on words and thoughts, of trying not to lose himself in lust and pleasure.

“He did, in fact, not,” he managed to choke out in between gasps for air. “I hated him. I still do- hearing all this- it does not make me view him in a better light. Akira was never someone- hm.” Goro buckled up at a particular delicious stroke, a high-pitched noise escaping the back of his throat as he lost himself yet again.

“Never someone I liked.” How he was able to form words was beyond him. All that he felt was the rush of blood, of desire and ecstasy filling his veins and body, like a toxic poison, and yet…

It felt so sweet.

Another moan broke free off his throat as Ren spread the precum all around his cock, the sound of delicious, nasty sounds of wet liquid spread on skin reverberating through the brunet’s ear.

Ren’s grip tightened a little, and Goro groaned. Once again, he was losing his damn mind.

And he was enjoying every minute of it.

_You’re so tainted, Ren._

“He abandoned me. He left me to fetch after myself; and see how well I handle that.”

Ren’s vacuous laughter sent yet another shudder through Goro’s body- but it was not a pleasant one.

He felt scared, actually.

_Of Ren?_

_No,_ he realized with a startle, causing Ren to retract his hand and making him throw a worried glance.

 _For Ren,_ he thought once more, brutally snatching the raven’s wrist and pressing his hand back onto his dick, hissing at the guy to continue.

When Ren bemusedly asked what exactly, Goro spat out, “Talking and stroking me off, you idiot.”

There was a ghost of a smile tugging at Ren’s lips.

“His flight went off yesterday. He even already sent me a few pictures of abroad, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at them. Now look at what happened to me, the first day he’s left. I’m stroking a guy of whose name I didn’t even know two weeks ago. Who…”

A cold hand touched his cheek, the hollow look in Ren’s gaze returning.

_What, so you were not, in fact, obsessed with me?_

_Well, that’s not a surprise, considering what I’ve heard so far._

“Who is also connected to him, to his past. To the things he left behind here: me, myself, this shitty excuse of a college that could not bind him, and…you. That’s all I have left now.”

Ren softly stroked him up to his climax in silence, making sure the brunet had ridden out his orgasm to the max, and only begun to speak as the white-hot sparks of cloudy lust began to gently kiss Goro goodbye.

“And like a mad fool, I cling to them all. I know he’s not dead. I know he did this to do us good- I’m sure being abroad will make him happy, too- will let him expand his abilities much more than staying here.”

Ren seemed unhappy as Goro slowly began to fix himself, merely drawing his pants up again and wincing at the wet and sticky feeling.

_Well, my fault, I guess. Good thing I have a spare uniform in one of the lockers._

“But…but I never had anything besides him. How am I supposed to deal with that now?”

Ren’s eyes glistened as he looked at the brunet, hoping for an answer

“I don’t know what life is like without him. He was the only friend I had. The only one- who understood me in my whole. Call me pathetic and hate me, sneer at me as you laugh and enjoy my misery. I know I don’t deserve more than that.”

_Really?_

_Why?_

_Who said you don’t deserve more?_

_The world?_

_Fuck the world._

The raven crossed his arms. Goro really thought the tears would fall soon, yet Ren’s gaze remained affixed to some point on the ground, and he did not shed a tear.

“But how…how do I move on? I don’t- I don’t understand.”

Helpless, as if he was an abandoned puppy, he looked up at Goro again.

The look in his eyes, the fear- it was something the brunet had felt in his life time and time again. It was nothing new.

_I know the pain._

_I know what it’s like- for people to let you down._

_For forcing you to scramble and pick up your own shards, only caused by other’s cruelty._

_No one deserves it, Ren._

_Not even you._

“How do I even begin? Where do I search for love- scratch that, for anything? I don’t have social skills like he does-“

“What about those people you got to come to the room we initially met in? Surely, you have some sort of connection to them.”

Goro crossed his arms, a challenging look in his eyes.

_I’m not a charity, however._

_If you don’t show me you have what it takes, I won’t-_

_I won’t…what?_

Ren scoffed. “Those? They only wanted to know me because of my famous brother. The only one who rivalled the Detective Prince when it came to love confessions. The one who seemed to excel at studies, while his twin- was worth nothing more than a weak laugh.”

_Nothing more than a weak laugh?_

_Who determines our worth in this world, Ren?_

“Hm.” Goro’s fingers tapped against his arm.

“Even the bitch- that girl that clung to me. She wanted to fuck me because of…ha, you’ll never see it coming. I look like my brother- surprise! Very dumb of her to say she wanted sex on campus, though. I stumbled upon her as the words left her mouth. But she didn’t know. Will never know. Ha…”

Ren ran a hand through his hair, looking more than just miserable.

_Do you think you’re scum?_

_She’s the one who’s worth nothing more than dumping her in a shit hole and letting her die._

“Who knows- if I sink deeper into this spiral of misery, I might even fulfill her wish. Even if I want to vomit whenever someone calls me by my brother’s name- even moreso during sex.”

The curiosity and-… _hope-_ that had nearly died down inside of Goro’s chest lit up like a great fire, burning down the endless woods with tenacity.

He bolted forwards, crashing their lips together.

“Really?” Ren blinked as he broke off the unexpected kiss, his eyes wide with wonder.

“W-what?”

“You don’t like- to be mistaken for your brother?”

Ren looked confused, and he gasped as Goro’s teeth sank into the neck of his skin.

“No,” the raven choked out as Goro licked the wounded place, “no, I- he’s my idol. But…I am my own person…”

“You don’t want to be him,” Goro spat out, vicious and gleeful at the same time.

_I’ve nearly given up on you, dear Ren._

_Close call, really._

He pressed another kiss to the raven’s lips, his eyes glinting with madness.

“Aren’t you angry, Ren? At your brother for abandoning you? For acting he was such a good boy, when he is- in fact- far from it? You don’t cut off a relationship like that without properly talking about the faults, first of all.”

_As if I knew anything about that._

_No, I don’t._

_But I do know…what it’s like to resent._

_And to hate._

_And to crave…for love and attention._

_This guy is as ruined as I am._

“Huh.” Ren’s hands found their way back into his hair- it was a nice feeling, really.

As if they belonged.

As if two broken pieces, that had never, ever supposed to meet- finally found each other, forbidden and dangerous as it was.

“Yes. And now look at you- unable to do anything than search for your own, miserable death because you miss him oh so dearly.” Goro’s finger dug into Ren’s cheek, his nails scraping marks into the soft skin, marring it.

Yet the raven did not resist, and only stared at him like a newborn realizing he could see and feel things.

_You don’t deserve to let the world blemish you, Ren._

_Just like I don’t deserve it._

“Why, Ren? Why would you let him trample over you like that? I say don’t understand. Don’t be nice. Don’t forgive him for leaving you behind, for making you the miserable person you are now. You’ve had enough misfortune in your life; why the fuck did he add to that? Why?”

Goro dove in for another searing kiss.

_Tell me, tell me- sing me the melody of agony and loss, of pain and hate, of longing and fury- and I shall dance alongside to the tune of your song, grabbing your hand._

_There will be no going back._

He only reluctantly broke their kiss off.

“But he did it for our best-“

“ _Fuck_ that,” Goro yelled, “fuck him for thinking the best way to handle this was to make you unable to live on. For abandoning you, ugly and needy as you were- who cares? Fuck the world for not accepting you the way you are, for not seeing what forms you, what shapes you.”

_We’re one and the same._

Ren kissed him.

“Fuck them all,” Goro whispered, a smile full of venom on his face. “And…go bend and break the rules like you want them to, Ren. If you wanted to stay with Akira, there would have been a solution. There would have been a way to make both of you heal, to make you less dependent on the other.”

His grin was vicious, a snake biting its prey as he knocked their foreheads together, seeking out those pliant, yet demanding lips once more.

_Ah, this feeling, stirring me up and shaking me to the very core-_

_Is it excitement yet again?_

“But he didn’t want to, Ren. He didn’t care enough. All he cared about…was his own, pretty, precious self. He does not care that he made you suffer.” Goro’s tone was sweet, poisoned candy-

Candy that had been originally poisoned by the world, first and foremost.

“But he isn’t a bad guy,” Ren murmured, his gaze travelling over the brunet’s face, as if enchanted.

“Oh, maybe he isn’t. That doesn’t excuse his actions were that of an uncaring scum.”

“So then…what now?” Ren was lost- lost on his way, lost on belief and love.

_Lost in life._

_Oh dear, I know._

“Well, forget about him. Move on.” Funny how the words sounded as if Ren was recovering from a break up. Goro did not want to insinuate that.

Yet he felt like saying _the next time you see him, wrap your pretty calloused hands around his neck and choke him to death as he begs for forgiveness and you give him none_ was not going to please the raven.

Weird, how he seemed to care for what Ren thought of his words.

_Well, showing me your very inner being, your ugly self…_

_I want this to be an equal trade._

“You know I can’t do that! I wouldn’t be smoking my life out if I could just let go of-“

“Fill the hollow feeling with something different.”

Goro let their lips crash together once more, and even dared to use his tongue. The sweet intoxication caused by the dance of their tongues let his throat procure a needy moan once more.

_Or maybe I just want him to hear what he can do to people._

When he drew back, Ren’s pupils were blown wide.

_Yes, my dear. Don’t forget the power you hold._

_Don’t forget the flame within._

“I filled the sense of loss- of abandonment- with hate. Revenge, and fury. But you’re too soft, it seems. My words do not reach you.”

Almost lovingly, he stroked over Ren’s face.

“So…if you had that much love to give, Ren…why give it up? Fill it up once more. Fixate on someone else.”

_Preferably someone who cares, too._

_Not that that’s in my hands, though._

_Huh…would I want him to find someone who cares?_

_Odd._

“On who?”

Goro shrugged. “That’s up to you, not me. I only give you advice, tell you how I went on about life. How I wish to shred apart every single human crossing my path to reach my goal, to sate the burning in my heart.” His tone grow more and more agitated with each word that fell from his lips.

“What do you want to crave, Ren? What do you wish to seek? If you find the answer- don’t let it shrivel up and die, as wicked and morally unethical as it seems. Fuck that- bend the world to dance alongside your rules, not someone else’s. Burn anyone who gets in your way. Don’t be merciful of anyone’s opinion- because they weren’t of yours, either.”

“Hm.” Ren pressed a kiss to his neck, licking a long stripe down to his collar. The brunet groaned once more, his hands tightening into the fabric of the raven’s clothes.

“That’s not a very satisfying reaction, but whatever.” The detective rolled his eyes. “Better than the lifeless corpse answers you gave me before.”

“You said to fill the hollow feeling in my chest.”

“I did?” Goro raised an eyebrow, caught up in the storm brewing in Ren’s eyes.

_Ah yes. Anger. My old, dear friend. Embrace it, Ren. Sip it up like good wine, let it taint you to the very bone._

_And…urgh, there’s love inside your storm, too. You don’t resent the world as much as I do yet._

_Though I wonder…will it disappear once you’ve accepted hate and anger?_

_Or will it end up consuming you whole, riding you once more into a dangerous spiral of death?_

“I don’t wish to tell everyone my pitiful life story.”

“That makes sense. I don’t, either.” Goro didn’t understand where the raven was going with this, but he disliked stirring up and watching the storm too much than to finish the conversation.

_As I said: you have terrific power, Ren._

_Not a shred of that does your brother possess. Don’t twist reality._

“And surely, most of them would feed me pretty words if I asked them what to do, not slap me in the face like you did. Or tempt me into burning down the world.” Ren chuckled- and it was odd, how the sound was so different from before.

Something else glimmered in his eyes as he regarded the brunet.

“Do you want to be the one?”

“What?” To say he was shocked was an understatement; Goro had expected a lot, but…not this.

_You always end up surprising and one-upping me, Ren._

_Fascinating._

Or maybe some wicked part of him, the one that was out for the chase, for the thrill- it had expected this. It was pleased by the question, a sickly warm feeling building up inside of Goro’s stomach, fluttering around and making him jittery- but in a good way.

_Huh._

_Did I…want this?_

His hand stroked over the amused raven’s face once more; Ren grinned.

_You think I have what it takes to conjure up love and fuel it, Ren?_

_You must be a fool._

“Is that a yes?”

“Not sure what I’m agreeing to, actually.” The unknown feeling in his stomach rose up, tickled his chest, begun to seduce him.

_Not sure what danger I’m prodding into._

_But I suppose…_

_No matter the danger, I always liked playing with fire._

_And you have so much of that._

“Hm…you can pick what you’re getting into yourself, I suppose? I can be your fuckbuddy; the guy who occasionally gets you off- a bootie call. You don’t even need to be friends with me or anything. A simple call from time to time would suffice. I’d find someone to cling onto whenever my demons haunt me, tempt me to go and smoke through a bazillion packages of cigarettes once more.”

“That…” _doesn’t sound bad. Sounds tempting._

_No, Goro, you don’t affiliate with people!_

_Do I?_

_Maybe he can be the exception._

“Well, I can be your partner in crime, too. Help you out with…whatever goal you’re seeking. Be an aide to your little crimes?” There was a teasing undertone in Ren’s voice, a hidden smirk.

“You have no idea what you’re saying.” Goro rolled his eyes, yet let the raven kiss him once more, claiming and licking his lips as if they belonged to him.

“Oh, I don’t. You’re right.” Ren smirked. “That’s what makes this entire thing so thrilling, doesn’t it?”

A spark jolted through Goro’s body, and he felt the corner of his mouth tilt upwards.

“You’re fucked up, Ren.”

“Oh, but so are you, aren’t you…Goro?”

The brunet suppressed a shudder.

_That voice you say my name with- it’s tainted with desire. Even though you don’t even see me, just someone you can cling onto. Usually, I resent people like you, so…_

_Why are you different, Ren?_

_Tell me._

“Your reactions are adorable, Goro.”

“Shut up.” The raven earned himself another swat, but it was a weak one.

Then, Goro gave in to the temptation once more and let their lips meet in a soft touch.

_If we’re both poison to the world…what happens if we mix?_

_If we tangle?_

“My…partner in crime, huh?”

“Fuckbuddy. Friend. Boyfriend. Whatever you want me to be, I can pull it off. Really.” The smirk on Ren’s face sent another spark of lightning down Goro’s spine.

“You’re so desperate, Ren.”

Giggles spilled forth those pretty, filthy lips.

“I am. Even if it’s only fake…I chase the feeling of being wanted. Of being loved.”

His words struck right through Goro’s heart.

_I know. I feel the same._

“Of someone truly looking at me, the twisted, fucked up guy that I am. The desperate, lost boy, clinging onto anyone’s leg not to be left alone.”

Ren purred as Goro’s fingers stroked his face once more.

“Do you know what it’s like, Goro?” His whisper was a toxic poison, but the brunet willing threw himself into the vast ocean that would drown and kill him.

There was a look in Ren’s eyes that made the brunet edgy- he felt captured, trapped. As if he’d been the one who didn’t know what he was getting into- as if he was the one who should be afraid.

“I dare you, Goro…” Ren’s Cheshire like grin swallowed him whole, knocked the breath out of his lunges, claiming it all to himself.

He shuddered, whimpered upon the next kiss, shuffling even closer to Ren’s body, chasing the thrill, the warmth of his body.

“I dare you…want to try yourself at this little game you set up? Use me like you want. I’ll use you instead. We both gain, and we both have nothing to lose. I’ll keep your dirty secrets to myself- I won’t prod or ask. And in turn- well, you know almost everything about me, but you can try and coax the rest of my inner being out. The parts that I don’t even know about.”

_I feel like I’m being devoured on the spot by the look in his eyes._

“How about it, Goro? Up for a little challenge of ugly love?”

Well, it didn’t sound all that bad, did it?

A filthy kiss was his answer, and their lips and tongues remained interlocked for so long Goro began to see stars dancing behind his eyes, the lack of oxygen trying to kill him- yet he resisted all the same, wanted the moment to last even longer, to never end.

“Fine,” he gasped, relishing in the feeling of dying and being alive all the same, “I’m in.”

The wolfish grin on Ren’s face made him want to flee-

_Oh, this isn’t bad._

_It’s not bad at all._

“Good, Goro. Then…let’s begin spinning the roulette from now on.”

“You’re so cheesy,” he snorted, unable to keep it to himself.

“Oh, I am- you haven’t assigned me my role yet, Goro.”

The brunet contemplated that.

“How about…you try to be my everything?”

_I’ll never lose of my true goal._

_This will be an impossible task._

_He’ll suffer._

_But oh, I want to make him suffer, want him to beg for my touch, the same way he makes me beg for him._

_Drown, Ren, drown, and forget how to swim._

“What?” Surprise flashed on the raven’s face, his smile fell.

_I wonder…am I capable of the love that you possess?_

_Does it spread like an illness?_

_This fever induced inside of me…it’s definitely not mine._

“I mean what I said. Try and make me as desperate as you are. For love- your love. Try to make me go insane if I don’t have your attention- because I have never much cared for anyone, you know? I doubt I’ll feel anything else besides apathy or hate for you in the long run. It will be an endless, grating task to change my mind- you must chase me and turn me into prey.”

_He’s going to go mad._

_But isn’t he already?_

“I guess the most challenging thing will be keeping my attention for so long that you finally forget your brother.” Goro stroked his chin. “Yes, that sounds about right.”

“Huh.”

A grin was back on Ren’s face, dangerous and greedy. “Okay. Sounds perfect, then.”

“You’re a fool.”

The raven laughed. The universe seemed to sparkle in his eyes as he gazed back at Goro, a look of respect and adoration on his face.

“I’m your fool from now on, Goro. Don’t forget.”

And as a last kiss sealed the deal, Goro was still unaware of what was coming to him.

He did not know, after all, that the raven would win.

He did not know that one day, when Shido beat him up and reduced him to a broken, whimpering mess, he’d limp his way towards the raven’s door, seeking his attention and care, fake as it was.

He did not know, that, in the end- the deal had been foolish. He would only lose, fall in love.

But maybe it was not all that bad, because a certain guy with a cheeky grin would try absolutely everything to keep him happy- even going so far as to change himself, his unhealthy obsession and behavior, just to create and enable them a future.

The kiss was poison and sedative at the same time; what would happen from now on?

The answer was still shrouded in mystery, and yet so clear.

“Let the game commence,” the two of them said at the same time, a grin on each their faces.

_And so, the gears of time begin to turn..._

**Author's Note:**

> No, I did not plan to write an alternate beginning consisting of almost 12k. I wanted it to be 4k.  
> Did it still happen to go out of my control? Uh. Yes?
> 
> I hope you still liked it!!! How do you like the "AU" to my "AU" HAAHAHAHA. Do you still have questions? Please tell me! And also tell me if I should add any tags or something. This was difficult to tag, somehow...
> 
> Akira would have still ended up studying law, but...it would have been Goro picking up broken! Ren and then our lil raven would have taken a loooong time to realize that he needs to, uh...let go of his unhealthy way of love and the way he lives in general...BUT HEY I'M A SUCKER FOR HAPPY ENDING SO OF COURSE IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!! ;D  
> Also, if you wanna know how Ren broke into the forbidden roof area...well, he has great pickpocketing skills, really ;P
> 
> You have no idea how much it makes me melt whenever I get kudos or comments, even if it's only a simple sentence or keysmashing...Especially when I realize you guys haven't left me and ACTUALLY keep liking what I end up posting...I LOVE YOU ALL SERIOUSLY YOU'RE ALL MOTIVATING ME TO PUT MY THOUGHTS ONTO PAPER (or AO3 lol)!!!! THANKS ONCE MORE FOR YOUR SUPPORT and I'd love to hear what you guys think!
> 
> I don't knew when I'll get to it, but next up will be another small thing that lets us dive deeper into Ren's thoughts...Stay tuned ;D


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